tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8907410807454119618.post499684734473254469..comments2023-10-20T07:11:26.831-07:00Comments on On The Flipside: What Is She (Really) Thinking?Kellanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07882991320065439298noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8907410807454119618.post-15290789374891471522008-10-12T21:37:00.000-07:002008-10-12T21:37:00.000-07:00Being a SAHM is a privilege. Even if it means your...Being a SAHM is a privilege. Even if it means your family makes sacrifices, like having one car instead of two, a house in the 90's instead of 180's. Don't let yourself doubt what you are doing because of an offhand remark made by a friend - or anyone. You are awesome. <BR/><BR/>This is a late post, but hopefully by now you have hashed things out with your friend. Otherwise this could brood for a long time and get really ugly. But you don't need me to tell you that.Bexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13813676969096171175noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8907410807454119618.post-59406458733430788532008-10-09T17:32:00.000-07:002008-10-09T17:32:00.000-07:00I doesn’t sound to me like she was thinking at all...I doesn’t sound to me like she was thinking at all. She was being judgmental and insensitive to your feelings on the subject. It sounds like, about half way through the conversation, she realized that you might possibly take what she was saying personal and tried to make up for it by assuring you that she didn’t mean you. We all know that people tend to stereotype and put others into ‘groups’: SAHM, Working Mother, Black, White, Jock, Skater, etc. So it’s hard not to wonder what people say when we aren’t around after hearing their ‘true’ feelings on the subject.<BR/><BR/> <BR/><BR/>I think you should have told her what you thought about what she was saying. You two have been friends for a long time and she should be able to handle your opposition and also see your point of view. No mother should ever have to justify why she chose to stay at home with her children or to go back into the workforce. It is a personal decision, one that can only be right for the person involved. <BR/><BR/> <BR/><BR/>We all have this idea of how things would be so much different and easier on the other side; but, until we walk in that persons shoes, we can never know what their life is ‘really’ like. Therefore, we should all learn to embrace our similarities and respect our differences and not be so quick to judge.Smiling Shellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08637671430642830420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8907410807454119618.post-32125553776626501862008-10-04T23:43:00.000-07:002008-10-04T23:43:00.000-07:00Wow. I'm still home and have been ever since we s...Wow. <BR/>I'm still home and have been ever since we started our family. The oldest is 17, the youngest is 9, so my 4 boys are in school all day. I *am* tired, and I can't imagine trying to juggle a paid career on top of it all. But I know people who do. I think some are cut out for it, and some of us aren't. I'm blessed in being married to a man who agrees with me on our lifestyle, where we keep a family of 6 on one income (and blessed that his job allows us to do this). <BR/>I had a friend tell me, years ago, that once the kids hit middle school age and beyond, they need a parent at home after school more than ever! <BR/>I never had a SAHM, and although I now understand that my own mother would have been unhappy doing so, I felt a little sad at the time. It has always been my desire to be a SAHM. <BR/>Single parents have my undying respect!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8907410807454119618.post-86620756763565918502008-10-04T20:37:00.000-07:002008-10-04T20:37:00.000-07:00When my son was a baby, I took some time off work ...When my son was a baby, I took some time off work and stayed home with him. It was EXHAUSTING. I felt so relieved to be going back to work so I could REST.<BR/><BR/>However, to stay at home or work is totally a personal, individual choice and nobody should judge anybody for doing it, one way or the other.Jason, as himselfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16630210317307544165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8907410807454119618.post-6624868352078834012008-10-04T19:11:00.000-07:002008-10-04T19:11:00.000-07:00Wow, that was an excellent post. I've been in bot...Wow, that was an excellent post. I've been in both places- stayed at home with the baby and toddler while the oldest was at school, and also worked full time evenings while the hubby worked full time days- never saw each other (or much of the kids once they all started school) and I was getting about 4 hours of sleep each night between work and going back to college- I would have much, much preferred to be home and not at work. <BR/>Now they are all ages 10 and older, and I work days while they are in school mostly - but if I had my way and we could afford it, I'd be ECSTATIC to stay at home and take care of the house during the day (sure beats the 10 pm laundry I do now)... if only we could afford it. If you can stay home and love to be home, by all means, do it!smileymamaThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13340988382485972419noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8907410807454119618.post-87606015048724583202008-10-04T17:24:00.000-07:002008-10-04T17:24:00.000-07:00You should not feel guilty And you don't need to e...You should not feel guilty And you don't need to explain anything. All my kids are in school and I'm still a stay-at-home mom and I DO believe that allows me to be more involved in my kids' lives than I could be if I were working outside the home. And I still bet real tired and I believe I work hard. Raising kids regardless of their ages takes a LOT of time.<BR/>Nice post. I just decided a long time ago to do what I believe is best for my family and let people think what they will.Rosemary https://www.blogger.com/profile/16692521812525901895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8907410807454119618.post-34213950726471392742008-10-02T23:41:00.000-07:002008-10-02T23:41:00.000-07:00I'm a 3rd generation working Mom, but because we l...I'm a 3rd generation working Mom, but because we live in Utah, I'm probably one of two women on my block that work and I would say that only 3 or 4 of the women I know work at a full-time job or run a business. <BR/><BR/>I don't think I particularly look down on SAHM's as much as I am a bit jealous of them. I have worked practically every day since I was 14 years old and sometimes I get a little worn down. I wish could clip coupons, and sit by the pool with my kids, and do all the fun things I see the SAHM's do. <BR/><BR/>But that's not the deal I signed on for. I have been the primary breadwinner in my family since I was 26 years old and I now make double what my husband makes. Without my income, my family would be in a world of hurt. I'm proud of it, but it's a big responsibility sometimes. I think if someone else is lucky enough or smart enough to get a better deal than I did, then good for you.AdriansCrazyLifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04463022076036044242noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8907410807454119618.post-70301190117022851852008-10-02T21:46:00.000-07:002008-10-02T21:46:00.000-07:00I guess that as close friends, it probably didn't ...I guess that as close friends, it probably didn't even occur to her that she might offend you in saying those things. We often view one person as something, but if someone close to us is in a similar situation, we don't view them the same way. <BR/>I'd personally say, that maybe she's sick of working? Maybe she's made enough, and she's a little bit bitter about how this other woman gets to be a stay at home mom, whereas she's going off to work everyday.<BR/>Or maybe she just doesn't see it the way you see it :)<BR/>As far as I've seen, most everyone has feelings about what everyone else is doing - if they're a stay at home mom, they don't understand why other people aren't, or they wish they could work too. And if they're a working mom, they don't understand why other people aren't too, or they're jealous of the stay at home moms. The grass is always greener on the otherside of the fence :)<BR/>It's probably best for you to just agree to disagree on this point, and move on.Chttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04596048813286667050noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8907410807454119618.post-31247069768880484282008-10-02T18:24:00.000-07:002008-10-02T18:24:00.000-07:00No you should absolutely not feel guilty. I have h...No you should absolutely not feel guilty. I have had these same feeling for a while now. You put it in words I never could. <BR/><BR/>I love that I get to stay home with my kids. I feel so blessed that we can afford this. I know that we probably miss out on some of the finer things in life but it is OK because for us this is the way we want it. <BR/><BR/>I congratulate you in your decision to stay home with your kids. They are only this age once. You have the rest of your life to earn a living but only one shot at your kids.Ellynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08907807448468020160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8907410807454119618.post-18141099749290370742008-10-02T17:11:00.000-07:002008-10-02T17:11:00.000-07:00I work now, and I am going to school. I need to wo...I work now, and I am going to school. I need to work to help out my husband a little at this point. As much as I would love being able to stay home full time with my babies it just isn't possible at this point. I am VERY supportive of SAHM mom's. YOu all do something I would love to do, but fear I would never be able to handle. I totally know the guilty feelings of not being at home with my kids, I once had a co worker who asked why I worked and didn't stay home with my babies.Betsy Harthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11674537561097861326noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8907410807454119618.post-11373234109739695672008-10-02T15:27:00.000-07:002008-10-02T15:27:00.000-07:00This will likely be unpopular. I believe that som...This will likely be unpopular. I believe that some choices preclude other choices. The choice to be a parent is the biggest choice anyone can ever make and it eliminates lots of others. Children deserve to be raised at home with loving parents. "We want two cars, or we want to own or own home, or we have loans to pay off, or or or "doesn't work for me. Those are choices that you abdicate when you have babies. (Some women, widows for example have no choice. I understand. But the vast majority of us have lots of choices. And we make them for ourselves instead of our kids) <BR/>Wait til they are in school and then fine, go be a lawyer or a butcher or a cowboy. But when our children are little and at home they deserve full time parenting by a mommy or a daddy who loves them. Love being a birthright in my opinion which no care care worker will ever give.... Parenting kids after work and on weekends is not parenting. You have to be there.<BR/>My husband rode the bus to work so I could stay home. We didn't eat out or go to movies. We made our own fun at home. I am the big earner around here so when they were three and no longer nursing I went back to work and my husband worked from home. Eventually I made enough that I could work from home too. I was able to hire folks to manage the businesses and I managed them mostly from home. That was luck. But the earlier bits were all choices we made. Texas Mom you are making a happy home and affecting the world through your children more than any lawyer ever will.<BR/>Would anyone think it was okay for husbands to have a part time wife on M W and F for sex because his wife has to work those days? No? Then why is it okay for our kids to have part time mommies for cuddles and hugs?<BR/>And as texas mom knows or will as her kids get older the big talks always happen by accident when you are putting the milk away or driving them to soccer. You have to be there for it to happen. And that is what you are doing with your time. You are raising your family and thank God for it. Your kids will be self confident well bonded contributing members of our culture. I can't wait to run into them somewhere....Ehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11236233879828469590noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8907410807454119618.post-75074958591396766502008-10-02T14:24:00.000-07:002008-10-02T14:24:00.000-07:00Interesting topic...I'm a stay at home mom and fel...Interesting topic...I'm a stay at home mom and felt myself getting very defensive when I read your friend's remarks. It's already been said many times in the comments here, but my opinion is that there's no need to justify your choice to anyone else.dawn klingehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10068232686648964979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8907410807454119618.post-41052299712720489252008-10-02T11:27:00.000-07:002008-10-02T11:27:00.000-07:00I just read your blog for the first time (linked v...I just read your blog for the first time (linked via The Jason Show) and I hope to help you feel better about this SAHM thing. I think the topic is getting to you because you and Pig are such close friends and no one wants to feel judged by a friend. My 2 cents: If we could afford to not have a 2nd income, I would stay home, take care of all the house stuff and love EVERY minute of it. I have a degree, I love the job I do (part-time at this point to avoid daycare expense) but I would HAPPILY stay home. I would do my best not to care about the judgements of others. At the same time, I would try to refrain from judging others. I don't see this situation as a "one answer fits all" deal. At the end of the day, whatever works for you and your family is the right decision. If you and your husband are on the same page, that's ALL that matters. You ARE doing something valuable with your life and you don't need to justify yourself. PS-I did work full time for a while when we had one child (we now have 2) and I actually think I am MORE tired being home- ironic, no? Sorry about the lengthy comment.bluedaisyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00501263462151943825noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8907410807454119618.post-83628776483855131092008-10-02T10:05:00.000-07:002008-10-02T10:05:00.000-07:00I would LOVE to be a stay-at-home mom, even once b...I would LOVE to be a stay-at-home mom, even once both of my girls are at school full time. However, our financial sitution will not allow that (at least as things stand right now).<BR/><BR/>But I think that if you can afford to do it -- and if it interests you -- staying at home even once the kids are in school is an honourable thing to do.<BR/><BR/>Sure, it might be an 'easier' job -- at least easier than when the kids weren't in school yet -- but who cares? You are still doing an important job, and are NO LESS of a woman for not taking a job outside of the home.<BR/><BR/>Now, if there were financial struggles in the family and you could help out by getting a job, then so be it. But in "Pig's" situation for example...not all places of employment would allow for days off for any field trips or parent-volunteer days, etc. She has a good thing going, but should nto expect that everybody else would be able to swing a deal like that.<BR/><BR/>Bottom line: do what YOU feel is right for YOUR family -- and who cares what other people think. If you and your hubby are on the same page and feel good about your choice, then stick with it with CONFIDENCE.Andreahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09095955716348374738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8907410807454119618.post-280225989532474812008-10-02T08:34:00.000-07:002008-10-02T08:34:00.000-07:00if you can keep from it... don't read between the...if you can keep from it... don't read between the lines of what people say... you will worry yourself to death (i've been there).<BR/>if you are content with your status, that is all that matters. just like your political and religious views are uniquely yours, so are your choices. treat them the same. <BR/>for, for every pig (who thinks women should not be idle) there is in your life, there is also an amy (who obviously thinks contrary to pig).<BR/>know, you cannot please anyone but yourself.<BR/>love,<BR/>dani<BR/>ps by the way i have been on both sides of the fence and have resigned myself to just live life as it comes:)danihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09238327752920852333noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8907410807454119618.post-77672438967221595222008-10-02T08:15:00.000-07:002008-10-02T08:15:00.000-07:00I'm not a mom (not even close), but I am one of ei...I'm not a mom (not even close), but I am one of eight children who lived with a working mother in a family that could have very comfortably lived on my father's salary. <BR/><BR/>As kids, we often teased my mom for not staying home. We thought that she should be doing some of the things that she hired others to do. We had a milk man, errand runner, full time cleaning lady (who did all the laundry) and we thought that my MOM should do those things.<BR/><BR/>Funny how my opinion has changed now that I am older. <BR/><BR/>My belief is that first and foremost, you should be HAPPY that you have the choice between staying home and working. All mothers should make the choice that makes them most content in their life. <BR/><BR/>Everyone really just needs to stop judging. It should not matter if you brought homemade rice krispie treats or store bought. <BR/><BR/>All kids really care about is that their mother is happy. Because if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!laurwilkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06008662086221324656noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8907410807454119618.post-91667966248590019242008-10-02T06:57:00.000-07:002008-10-02T06:57:00.000-07:00You don't have to justify yourself to anybody. Yo...You don't have to justify yourself to anybody. You and your spouse made a decision, one that you both thought was best for your family. Stand by it and don't justify it or feel guilty!Courtneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09507014000129322933noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8907410807454119618.post-36771308161600897502008-10-02T06:46:00.000-07:002008-10-02T06:46:00.000-07:00You don't need to justify it to ANYONE. What works...You don't need to justify it to ANYONE. What works for one may not work for another. I am a working mother . . . and Hubby is a pilot, so not home a lot. I do lots of running around with the kids, taking them to practices and this and that. Like your friend, I am there to watch them get on the bus, and am home when they get off of it. I love my job and the people I work with. It works for me. It works for my family.<BR/><BR/>With that said, I SOOOOO envy those who stay at home with their children, even when their children are at school. I would love to do it. And my friends that stay at home while their kids are away at school? They are so friggin' busy! It seems that when you "have all day to do nothing" your days are suddenly filled with all the things that running a household requires you to do.<BR/><BR/>Don't discount what you do. Being a SAHM is not an easy job, even if you do go to Yoga and on bike rides with your friends. I call that a healthy balance - literally. It's all in what you make time to do. It's true for working parents and stay at home parents. I would have given my left arm for my mother to be home for me after school - it just wasn't possible. Your children are lucky lucky lucky, and so are you. We need more parents at home parenting. Sometimes you just need to let people say what they say and then move on.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8907410807454119618.post-70615563231316725722008-10-02T04:01:00.000-07:002008-10-02T04:01:00.000-07:00I am a SAHM too and I had an eerily similar conver...I am a SAHM too and I had an eerily similar conversation with a VERY good, old friend who, ironically, doesn't have any children. Ahem. I am embarrassed that I can still shop and eat lunch out with friends and not work. I feel your pain, let's be honest. I try not to feel bad but I do because I am blessed with a husband who wants me to stay home (& attend college classes) with our children, who are 8 and almost 2. I think WOHM and SAHM are at odds because both are envious of the other to a degree. I wish we could all just accept the choices the others make but it doesn't work that way. I do the same things you do when talking to others "oh, I have a son at home who is only 20 months!" No advice here but lots of understanding!Tonihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11122493201161475552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8907410807454119618.post-90722780190612918902008-10-01T21:19:00.000-07:002008-10-01T21:19:00.000-07:00I was a single mom from the time my daughter was f...I was a single mom from the time my daughter was four. I worked full time at an extremely demanding job which was very high stress. It was a balancing act - very, very difficult and I always felt guilty about something. My daughter started daycare at the age of eight weeks. It was expensive then too, but I had no other choice. But, I always felt that I was being judged by the others I worked with. And the stay at home moms judged me as well. Stuck. Between a rock and a hard place. It was tough!bichonpawzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09344322575991668081noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8907410807454119618.post-2491126338419279462008-10-01T20:30:00.000-07:002008-10-01T20:30:00.000-07:00I had to work for most of the years that I was ra...I had to work for most of the years that I was raising my children and I missed so much! If it's possible to stay at home with them and that's what a woman wants to do, I think it's wonderful. Besides, I don't know how mothers can even afford to work outside their homes these days with the cost of childcare, gas, and other work related expenses.Brendahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16299205162628367889noreply@blogger.com