Tuesday, September 16, 2008

What Would You Do If ...?

On Wednesdays, I throw out a question that asks, "What Would You Do If ...?" and I would love to hear - what you would do.

I will not give my answer to the What Would You Do If - Wednesday question until late in the day - after everyone has had the opportunity to offer their ideas first.


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What would you do if ...


You were cleaning out your husband's sock drawer and came across a secret stash of porn magazines or movies?


Would you confront your husband - ask him to throw them out?


Would you leave the stash alone and not mention that you found the porn?


What would you do?
Also, please go over to my sidebar and participate in the poll question on this topic.

Okay - what would I do?
I would not be happy upon finding a secret stash and I would want to have a talk about it. I would likely not have it thrown out, but I would want to understand my husband's need to buy it and then hide it. It's the hiding of it that would make me suspicious and uncomfortable - not the owning of it. I understand that some people find these magazines and X-rated movies offensive and some are pretty raunchy - but, I don't have a problem with most of them, as long as they are legal, of course, and not creepy stuff.

Poll Results: If You Found Your Husband's Secret Porn What Would You Do? 21 people participated in poll. 10 (4%) said they would leave it alone. 8(38%) said they would throw it out and 3(14%) said they would ask him to shart it.

24 comments:

Adrian said...

I think if it was just a magazine or two, I wouldn't be too concerned about it, but if it were a major obsession, or something I would be really freaked out about like child porn or bondage or something, I'd definitely be talking to him about it. Ew, I don't even like thinking about it.

Are You Serious! said...

♥ I would totally CONFRONT and we'd be having a HUGE old talk!!! I think pornography a terrible addiction and is a cause for concern.

Me said...

I think I'd honestly be shocked because I know how he feels about it. He doesn't like it at all!!! So we'd probably have a talk! HAHA!

Trace

Ellyn said...

I think I would have to say something. It would just bother me until I got it out in the open.

Brenda said...

I believe in allowing a person to have privacy so I would just leave it alone, or ask that he put it some where else to be double sure none of the kids stumbled across it.

Courtney said...

I would ask him about it and see if there was reason for concern. I like to think I'm open minded so I wouldn't attack him about it or anything.

kcinnova said...

Assuming this happened while he was at work? I'd shut the door as if it would put out a fire...and I'd be physically ill the rest of the day and probably unable to even go back into the room. THEN we'd have a private confrontation/conversation far away from the kids (LONG walk).
Chances of this needing to happen? Just about nil. He knows how I feel about it. I find it hugely (pun not intended) disrespectful of one's spouse... and that's just for starters.

That said, I have a friend who knows her hsuband regularly looks online, and she is fine with that.

Rosemary Bogdan said...

I would throw it out and I would be very upset. I think pornography violates the dignity of both those in the photos and those viewing them. I also consider it an offense against the spouse. I think viewing pornogaphy is a disordered expression of sexuality and is quite dangerous. May it never happen!

dani said...

maybe it's because i've never had to deal with the issue and am pretty dumb about the whole thing; but i'd leave it alone and not be bothered; i think???

Helen E.M. Wright said...

If I knew about it and we had a tremendous sex life I wouldn't think anything of it.

If he was keeping it from me I would have a problem with it and confront him about it. It's more the thought that he feels he has to keep it a secret from me that would hurt me.

Jaina said...

I think it would depend on what it was exactly. But chances are we would need to have a talk about why he feels those are necessary. (he in the theoretical, since I'm not married or even engaged)

Ashlee said...

I would definitely ask him about it. I wouldn't toss the stuff on my own though. As the spouse, I would be hurt that I wasn't "doing it" for him and he had to turn to other women to find satisfaction. :0( I'm thinking maybe he should take some pictures of ME and stash those for later viewing. :0) Then I might feel better.

Unless the kids found them....



Then I would be mortified.

laurwilk said...

Well, I don't have a husband but I do have a serious boyfriend. To be completely honest, we'd probably look at it together.

I have no problem whatsoever with him looking at porn, as long as it's legal. Just because he finds another woman to be attractive does not mean he isn't attracted to me. Plus, you can take what you see and learn a little bit about what he likes.

I'm not sure if this has any correlation with my age (23), but all of my past boyfriends have watched/looked at porn and I really have never found it to be offensive.

One Scrappy Chicklet said...

As long as the kids could not find it I think I would just leave it alone

Smiling Shelly said...

I might ask him to move it, depending on where it was hidden, to ensure that the kids don't run across it but other than that, I would probably just leave it alone.

Andrea said...

I don't think any amount of porn is healthy in a relationship, therefore I would confront my husband and make sure it was thrown out of my home.

Brittany said...

Ohhhh there would be words...many, many, many, words.

Anonymous said...

Going anon on this one... This happened to me once. Not with my current husband, but with my ex.

Anyway, I found one under the litter box (which was a STUPID place to hide it, because I ALWAYS changed the box) ... Anyway, I burned it right there and then. I didn't want that garbage in my house. Period.

Then I confronted him about it. There were words... Lots of words.

Jyl @ MommyGossip said...

It is interesting reading these comments. I live in a society where this is frowned upon, so much so that it quite honestly surprises me to hear that some would be OK with it. As I try and understand that perspective, I question why I feel strongly about NOT having it in the home, in the marriage, anywhere. Is it the way I was raised--the social norms for me? If I analyze it, I feel that things of this sort do not fall in the relationship building category. I feel that there is enough stuff out there that threatens to destroy marriages that we just don't need to invite one more thing in. I can't think of a reason why this would be a good thing and how it could help build the relationship. And, if that is the case (not saying I totally understand here), but if it is... then I would definitely get the material out of the house and make sure we could talk about how to NOT have it happen again.

Interesting topic and great comments by all.

forgetfulone said...

I'm reading all these comments, but I am not touching this one with a ten foot pole!

Pam in Colorado said...

I'm late on this question but I'm joining in anyway...

I would definitely approach my husband about it. First, I know he viewed such material when he was a young man. Since then he has come to a place where he is not interested at all.

Secondly, my first husband was a truck driver and had magazines and movies in his truck (this took place a few years after our divorce). I asked him to be sure that he removed it all before he every had our two kids in the truck. He always promised. One time he had put the wrong tape into the case of a Disney movie and our kids popped in the tape and saw things they were not ready for!! Our daughter was 6 or 7 at the time and our sone was 4 or 5. Our son was traumatized and couldn't express himself nor understand what he saw. He had nightmares and cried a lot after this. Our daughter was more verbal and although was uncertain of what she actually had seen, she was able to tell us it made her feel uncomfortable and that she never wanted to see something like that again (thankfully they only saw a brief part of the movie).
That was a tough time.

Thirdly, one of my family members started out with magazines, then movies, then Internet (women at first with all three formats) and then it moved into all areas. He is now serving probation, in court ordered counseling... It has cost him dearly. He would have never believed it would lead him down this road. He is starting to really see the harm in what he was doing which he had a hard time with at first, since most people charged with a sex crime with minors (that we hear about) have actually physically had contact with the kids. He never did, nor was he ever tempted to, but if he had not gotten caught, who knows where this addiction could have led.

I have always been against pornography but now, I can not make any good case for it. It really does harm individuals and our society as a whole.

So, I would definitely have a talk, the magazines would be burned (I would not want anyone else to happen upon them) and the reason behind having them in the first place would have to be resolved.

SabrinaT said...

Wow, I will have to think about this one.

Jyl @ MommyGossip said...

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Sandra Carvalho said...

OMG!I'd completely freak out!!!
Not because he had the porn magazines but for the fact he was hiding it!I hate lies!
xoxo