Wednesday, October 1, 2008

What Would You Do If ...?

On Wednesdays, I throw out a question that asks, "What Would You Do If ...?" and I would love to hear - what you would do.

I will not give my answer to the What Would You Do If - Wednesday question until late in the day - after everyone has had the opportunity to offer their ideas first.



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What would you do if ...


Your best friend's husband continuously flirted with you? Flirted to the point that it made you uncomfortable? Flirted in a way that was disrespectful to your friend. Flirted like he wants you?



What would you do?

Would you tell your friend?

Would you confront your friend's husband?

Would you ignore the situation and just hope that it stopped?

Would you flirt back?

What would you do?


Please leave your honest answer and then please go over to my sidebar and participate in the poll on this topic.

Okay - this is what would I do?

I have not been in this situation, but I did have a situation in high school where my best friend's boyfriend cornered me in a dark room and kissed me. I was shocked and worried and I never told my friend and he and I never talked about it - it just sort of went away. He and my best friend ended up getting married. I don't know what ever happened to them and their marriage, but I have often thought about that "stolen" kiss many times over the years.

I would try to be nice. I would say things (joking) that would make it obvious that I was not interested and that would hopefully make it clear that I didn't think the flirting was respectful to my friend or to me. If he continued and didn't get the hints - I'd confront him and ask him to stop. If he didn't stop - I'd be hesitant to tell my friend for fear that she might not believe me and may even defend her husband. Last resort - I'd have my husband start making remarks to back him off.

I hope this never happens.

Poll results: "What Would You Do If Your Friend's Husband Constantly Flirted With You?" 11 People participated in the poll. (0) said they would tell their friend. 6 (45%) said they would confront the husband and tell him to stop it. 6 (64%) said they would ignore the situation and hope that it would just stopp on its own. (0) said the would flirt back.

18 comments:

Persnickety Ticker said...

I would confront the husband in front of the friend. I lost a guy to my "supposed" best friend. He flirted. She flirted back instead of telling me or stopping him. I heard they just broke up because he cheated on her, too. What goes around comes around.

Jacey said...

Lord. I don't know what I'd do. I'm not married, and only one of my close friends is married - and her hubby would never flirt with me - they're firmly and deeply in love.
Um... I wouldn't flirt back, that's for sure. That's just plain wrong. I guess it would depend on the level of flirtation. If it wasn't major, I'd probably leave it and see if it happened again. If it did, I might approach him and ask him to stop - no point in causing trouble between them, or between me and my friend. If it continued I'd say something to her.

And while I haven't had that happen before, I have had somethign even weirder - and worse in my opinion. When i turned 18/19, one of my parents friends would flirt with me heavily whenever he was drinkin' over at our place. I ended up saying something to my parents, and they said something to his wife - who was aware of his sometimes odd behaviour when drinking and it's never happened again. Nor did it affect any friendship between our families, luckily.

truth said...

I would probably not mention it to my friend. Sadly, sometimes women make the assumption that a)the other woman is lying or b)the other woman started it. They never seem to want to believe their man could do wrong. Somehow it is the female they get angry with. I don't get it.

I would try to ignore it, but if it persisted, I'd tell the guy to knock it off.

kim-d said...

I agree 100% with Truth; I have seen it happen that way many, many times. If it kept up, I'd tell HIM to knock it off, but would not say anything to her. Flirting back with him? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Unless you don't know what it is to be a true friend to another woman, and you don't care that you could potentially be a homewrecker. Ugh. As Persnickety Ticker said, "what goes around, comes around." Yes, it does.

tammy said...

This has happened to me, with my husband's aunt's new husband. Right it front of her. What is wrong with some men?? I was nice, but made sure he got the hint that I wasn't interested.

Courtney said...

I have had this happen, but the guy was also good friends with my husband so it was really a sticky situation. I told my husband first so he was aware, but asked him to please let me handle it. I confronted the guy and when it still didn't stop I told his wife. She didn't believe me, none of us are friends anymore and he has cheated on her several times which she knows about all of them and has done nothing about. I still stand by my decision 100%!

AirmanMom said...

Actually had this happen once upon a time...the creep would always find a reason to place a *friendly* arm around me. He was quickly introduced to my elbow and then he received a dose of my thoughts. Needless to say, he remained clear of me afterwards and get this... they are now divorced. Go figure!

Shannon said...

OMGSh This is so happening to me at the moment. The last flirtatious thing he said to me was that I was the hot little number on the next culdesac down from them. I'm going to wait and read what everyone else is saying and maybe it will help me. OBTW...my husband knows about this and is just as stumped as me.

Jaina said...

I don't know. One of the dad's in my brother's scout group would hardcore flirt with everyone, including me and my mom. In front of his wife. My mom and I started avoiding him. I think the pack leader finally spoke to him, my mom said he's been really well behaved ever since.

common mom said...

I would confront the husband . . . not necessarily privately, but the next time it happened . . . tell him how it is and how it's inappropriate and unwelcome. No need to make a big deal or embarrass the guy. Who knows, he may think it's harmless friend fun . . . when it's really making you uncomfortable.

I'd also tell MY husband about it and how I felt about it.

Elaine A. said...

If it got THAT bad I think I would confront him and tell him to back off.

There have been casual flirtations amongst us and friends but nothing has EVER gotten to that point before or EVER will. That's just ridiculous...

Kate said...

Yikes. That's never happened to me, but we really don't out much. I would have to say that I would tell him the next time he did it that I'm married, he's married, and that what he is doing isn't appropriate, so back off. If he did, fine, if he didn't, it'd be off to tell my friend what her loving spouse was doing behind her back. Because if he couldn't respect me when I told him to stop, then I would feel the need to let her know what is going on. If he let it go I would probably leave it alone then.

dani said...

i would totally ignore it and HIM, too... further, i would make it pointedly clear how annoyed i was!!!
l,
d
ps that picture cracked me up... like i snorted "cracked me up":b

Betsy said...

I honestly think I would just not go over there anymore, and maybe mention to my friend what happened... I wouldn't flirt back EVER, cause that is just wrong.

Andrea said...

Since the wife would be my best friend -- I would need to deal with it head-on. Weather I would go directly to him, or to her, I'm not entirely sure. But I would certainly not let it go.

Jyl @ MommyGossip said...

I would ask the husband if he considered his behavior flirtatious. If so, I would ask him to stop. If it continued... honestly, I would stop spending time with both of them--give it some room you know. I just wouldn't put myself in that situation. I wouldn't want to make my friend have to choose or be put in an awkward situation.

Kami said...

I would be horrified if anything like this every happened. I would try to do exactly what you did. Make it perfectly clear that it wasn't happening dude!

Thankfully it never has happened. *crosses fingers*

Smiling Shelly said...

I have actually been in this situation, and it did not turn out too well for me. I am a very loyal friend and when he approached me it pissed me off so I went straight to her and warned her about him. I thought she believed me but he managed to talk his way out of it and from that point she and I never spoke again. I also told my then boyfriend (now husband) and he got a friend or two to go with him and confront this guy, so I never heard from him again either.

All’s well that end’s well….that’s what I say :)