Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I Hope Something Will Come Out Of So Much Effort

So ... I'm still over here just writing away. I am 15 chapters, approximately 35,000 words into my third novel and ...

Sometimes I seriously question what the hell I'm doing.

I am thoroughly enjoying writing this story - THOROUGHLY! But ... it takes up so much time and energy I sometimes wonder if I'm just wasting my time.

Last night I got really discouraged.

I am well into the third novel and I suddenly had doubts that the first two books were any good and started questioning why I was continuing to write this story if the first two books were not worth reading.

So ...

I pulled out the first two books (AGAIN) and read through them. I hadn't picked either of these two books up and read them for at least two weeks and it was interesting to see/read them after having let a little time lapse.

I was a little more encouraged after reading the books again (I scanned a lot of parts - I didn't actually read every single word again). I like the story and I think this story - these books - have potential.

I could definitely be wrong, though. The biggest fear I have is that I am wrong and that ... I am just wasting my time. I'm not a fan of wasting time or ... being wrong.

I haven't yet solicited any literary agents. I am still in the process of having people read the books and editing. My friend, Vicki, who lives in Utah, is going to read them once I send her the manuscripts (I plan to mail her hard-copies by this weekend). My daughters have been too busy to read the books lately due to lots of tests and projects at school. They will read them soon. One of their friends is presently reading the first book, but I haven't talked to her about it. I haven't really talked to anyone about the books, except Chloe, and that was several months ago when she'd read the first book, made some edits/suggestions and I went back and changed a lot of the second half of the first book using her ideas and suggestions. She has not reread it since I've made those changes.

I am going to keep on writing. I don't know if I'm wasting my time or not, but I have to keep positive. Monet said: "I hope something will come out of so much effort."

I do too.



Jaina said...

Can't wait to read them, I'm sure they're going to be great! (and hey, I'm always up for reading them if you need comments before hand ;) )

~Jamie said...

okay... first EMAIL me the book!!!

haha okay now that we have that out of the way... I hear ya... that's part of this... we love our writing, we think it's crap... we think it's the best thing ever written, we think we should line a bird cage with it...

What matters is... does it make you smile?

Kami's Khlopchyk said...

I have no doubt that they are fabulous and that you are most certainly not wasting your time. And seriously, if you need any one else to read them before you send them off *raises hand and waves it wildly in the air* pick me, pick me!

I see I am #3 to volunteer though ;)

Keep at it! I can't wait to buy them!

Betsy said...

I am getting excited just hearing you talk about it! I am sure anything you put this kind of time and energy in can't be bad.

Courtney said...

It will & I can't wait to read it.

Ashlee said...

Your time will not have been for nothing. Either way, you have spent time on yourself doing something that you really enjoy doing. That is definitely not a waste. :0)

Kate said...

My dear inspired me to start churning my imagination again and I finally...FINALLY... came up with the book idea that I have been searching for the last 10 years, since I was in high school. The one that has elements of all my favorite kinds of stories and I have just been belting out.

How did you do it? Well, I read about your books on this blog and was inspired.

You are a great writer, I am so sure of it -- even though I haven't read your books. Your feelings of doubt are the same as the ones I am going through right this minute and I feel for you! You sit there and you write and write and write and put your entire self into the process and then you feel your heart leap up into your throat when the thought, "What if no one likes it?" pops into your head. I'd say, don't write it for anyone but you, even though I know I really want people to fall in love with my book too, so I'm not exactly following my own advice!

Maybe let someone read some of it and tell you how awesome it is and that oughta help you beat down that feeling.

Or, I could lend you one of my characters who is quite the sword-fighter and he'll beat it down for you...

tammy said...

I do too! I will be so excited when they come out.

Adrian's Crazy Life said...

Well as long as you're handing out advance copies to people in Utah.... I do love to read and I'll take real good care of it!

Jessica said...

Something will! I just know it! I'll be willing to read...if that helps! :)

I've been excited to hear about you getting a start on them because you're close to my hometown. San Antonio could use a REALLY famous writer, you know? My money is on you. :)

bermudabluez said...

Personally, I am POSITIVE that the books will be best sellers. You have many, many blog readers and we all come here to read your stories. Many more will come to read your books....I just know it! Hang in there, Kellan. It'll be worth it!! I'd love to read it!

Brenda said...

Spending time doing what you love to do is never, ever, wasted. Keep the faith kid, it'll come.

Nicole O'Dell said...

Don't quit!

Maybe this will help:

I'm currently editing the galleys for my first two YA books that are being released on 8/1. To be editing the galleys, that means that the book proposals were accepted, the books were contracted, the finished manuscripts were edited, and now they're ready to go to press. Someone must have liked them along the way, right?

Well, then why have I had the .pdf files of the galleys for over a week before I could open them? Fear. Even at this late stage of the game, I lack the confidence to be sure that the work is good and I'm afraid to find out that it really isn't. I'm reading it through my hands covering my eyes, so to speak.

It's scary.

So, you're not alone. Don't let doubt get to you. Just enjoy the process. It sounds like you love it.


Anonymous said...

Kellan I love them. I think they are going to be published and I'm going to be so...... bragging to everyone that you are my friend. They are already changing my life. I'm having conversations with Matt and Abby that never would have taken place if we had't all had the privelege of being allowed to read your books in the editing stage. You have always been such an inspiration to me, you want or need something and You go make it happen. You wanted lawn furniture so you built it, a patio around the pool you laid it, etc, etc, etc..... You set a goal and you reach it, and I truly believe you will reach this one also.
Love and admire you, Vic