Tania wrote this post in Feb. 2008 and I asked her to repost it here On The Flipside because it is a great topic. Read Tania's post and then offer your opinion/answer in the comments. And ... don't forget to go over and visit Tania at Little Sweethearts - she has a great blog and beautiful family.
Mind Versus Heart
When my mind speaks it says:you have two healthy children
a boy and a girl
they get along well most of the time
they each have their own room
they both go to school
there are no diapers to be changed
no bottles to be cleaned
hardly any broken nights
When my heart speaks it says:
why not one more?
It is weird how sometimes the heart can cloud the mind.
Originally Posted by Little Sweethearts at 19:53 2/18/08
So ... What do you think? Are two kids enough? Do you often have the urge to have more children? What are the advantages/disadvantages to having two children verses having more and vise versa?
Offer your honest opinion and don't forget to go over to the sidebar and participate in the poll on this topic.
Poll results: Do you often want more children? 24 people participated in poll. 6 (25%) said Yes - Definitely. 10 (41%) said Sometimes. 5 (20%) said No. 3 (12%) said Not on your life.
Posts
27 comments:
I would have liked to have had more children, but my personal philosophy is that a woman shouldn't have more children than she can personally support. I've seen so many women trapped in unhappy marriages because they had children they couldn't support on their own. And you just never know when death or divorce is going to leave your children without a father to provide for them.
Also, we had four miscarriages between sons #2 & #3, so we thought it was smart to quit while we were ahead. I couldn't have gone through that heartache one more time.
Now we have 3, almost 4 grandchildren to console us.
i definitely think my dear friend, tania, should have more:b
l,
d
I have two children and there was a time when I would have liked more ~ but I don't know whether I still feel that way ~ I haven't really thought about it!!
I suppose if the situation was right then I would probably like another child ~ but for now I am happy as we are!!
I think it is a very personal decision ~ some woman do not want children and some want lots ~ each to their own I say!! XX
I was blessed with a boy and a girl, both healthy ... 23 and 20 years ago.
It worked for me, but you have to listen to your heart. A decision between you and your husband.
We have two. I would love to have another. My husband says we are done. He says we can't afford it. I don't care. We are working on it.
I had 3 unplanned pregnancies and I love every one of the results with all my heart.
I think my children are done having their children and now that the baby of the bunch is 3, I feel these little twinges when I think of not having a baby in my lap soon.
But then I get over it. :-)
All my life, I wanted to have four children at least. Circumstances led to my having one daughter who is my greatest gift; then she blessed me with two grandchildren, and now I have one great-granddaughter. I couldn't be happier!
I'm sorry for those who want to have children and can't, and I'm sorry for those who do have them and don't appreciate them. It's such a personal decision; I'd be the last person to give anyone advice. :)
This is why my hubby had the big v after number 2 before we went back to "that place." I would love more, but we can't afford it, I love the two we have, they are healthy, smart, happy and have many opportunities because there are only two and they are so close in age. I am, right now, at "that place" though and my heart is breaking. It will pass though, I am sure of it.
I always wanted 2 little girls -- and I got them! My hubby has often said he would've liked one more (but as since changed his mind since we waited so long and now both girls are out of cribs, diapers, booster seats at the table, etc).
It's different for everybody. Sometimes it's based on what you can afford, sometimes it's based on what you can handle emotionally (I still suffer from post-pardum depression and my youngest is almost 3 years old), and some it's for health reasons. And some just don't want to, for no specific reason. And I think those are all okay reasons. To each their own.
I have two and wish I would've had one more. I started a little late, but wish I would've started earlier. Now I feel like I'm getting too old, but I do think about foster/adopting.
That was a hard one for me. We had 2 boys and couldn't decide if we wanted a third child or not. I went back and forth constantly. Then much to my suprise, I found myself pregnant with boy #3. Obviously someone else knew the answer to my question and I am so thankful we did. Three is the perfect number for us.
I have twin boys, then I miscarried a girl, then I had another boy. I've wanted more but it just hasn't worked out. Hubby is fine where we are at. So it's more of a letting go for me - not always easy.
This is a topic on which I have strong feelings. I know not everyone shares these feelings and I'm not judging those who feel differently. I believe children are a gift from God that we should always be open to unless there are serious reasons not to.
OK. That's my belief and I know I'm in a very small minority.
I have six children and I can't imagine life without all of them. Each one so enriched our family life.
Is it hard? Sometimes. But probably not as hard as people imagine. Clothes can be handed down. chores are shared. Children in large families know they are not the center of the universe. It's a good life lesson. They also know there is a large group of people who love them to pieces. If things aren't going well with one sibling there is always another to buddy up with. Children from large families do not get bored easily. There are so many advantages I think I may write a post about it.
Should Tania have more-- obviously a very personal decision. I have heard so many people express regret that they did not have more children. I have yet to hear one think they had too many. If there's a longing, i would go for it. (But maybe that's just me:-)
I have 6 kids, 2 of which we actually tried for. what is even crazier is the ones we actually tried for were #2 and #6. After #5 got here, I had such a strong longing in my heart for just one more. And, he is such a blessing in our lives. Once we had him, I knew we were through. Someone asked me once if holding a baby just made me want one more and I was honestly able to say "no".
Your heart always knows. I ALWAYS said I wanted 3 kids . . . and about 2 years apart in age. #1 and #2 are 2 years 4 months apart in age. It worked out - tough to "plan" when hubby is a pilot and gone so much. Then suddenly, it was 3 1/2 years later and we hadn't even discussed getting pregnant again. That was my answer . . . my life was full, and 2 was enough - for both of us. Kinda weird how your heart takes care of you :-)
I really think it's all about knowing your limits - physical, financial, emotional.
Thank you Kellan for having me over on your blog.
A few months have passed since I wrote that post, but some days my heart still clouds my mind and at times I feel myself longing for just one more.
I think our family will probably not get any bigger, since my husband seems to listen to his mind more than to his heart and I must admit that most days I tend to agree with him. But some days my heart just overflows with motherly feelings. So just in case there would be a little unexpected (but sometimes secretely hoped for) surprise, it would be very welcome. I bet we would have twins ;)
I'm enjoying reading all the comments. I'll come back later to see if there are any more.
L,
Tania
If you have the resources and you feel in your hear your family is not done, then your family is not done.
I say "Go for it!"
I think if the twinge is there, and it doesn't go away then someone is trying to tell you something.
We are going to try for a third. We don't know when, but we know that we would love to have one more. The twinge is there, the desire is there, and so we'll go for it someday.
I think this is just a personal preference. Just like those who don't want more than one. :)
Oh my....I have 3 of my own and I want at least one more.Not now once my lil'one is only almost 3 years old.But when he turns 4/5 I definitely want one more.I love to be a mom and despite all the lost nights, worries, and so I just can't wait o be preg again.
I'm more of an heart follower...
Take care.
xo
I have cherished every minute I've had with my 2 children and I truly hope that when they are a little older that I DO NOT want more. Of course I already miss the babyness of them, but I hope to move forward and just enjoy who they are at the current time.
I really, REALLY never want to be pregnant again.
If other women want many children I think that is their choice and nobody else's.
I had three children, and that was enough for me. If life had turned out differently, and I hadn't stayed with my jerk of an ex as long as I had, I may have had another one with J. But I think I was meant to have the ones I did.
♥ I have 4 and I get that craving way too often. It doesn't take much from the 4 that I have to push it right back down to where it resides though! :)
The two (technically three) kids that I have are plenty for me. My spouse would like one more, but I am too tired. I have been raising babies since I was 8. All done now. But I think if someone is capable and willing to provide an excellent home for a baby, then that's what they should do.
I am verbose anyway, but I could write a book filled with my thoughts on this one, because it is my very situation--other than that I have two boys.
I always thought I'd have at least four kids. I come from a family of 6 kids and loved growing up in a big family. But, when I had a tubal pregnancy a year ago and a miscarriage 6 months ago at the ages of 37/38, I made the decision to put the number 4 or even 3 out of my mind.
We haven't taken permanent measures at this point, but I think it may be time. It just hard. Then, on top of this... we sent our youngest off to all-day kindergarten this week. I wanted to experience the 6 hours a day of being an empty nester before I did anything more serious about prevention.
Anyway, I echo many of the comments. It is a personal decision. Everyone's situations are different and no one can judge that but you.
We have seven children - and just this evening these seven were having a discussion about our baby, 'the cutest baby ever!!' And soon they were asking, 'Will we EVER get another new baby?' :-) We all just love the babies, and just keep on lovin' them as they grow up! So the question is 'do you follow your heart or your brain?' Seems that we have followed our hearts! Will we have ... yet another one? God willing!
I never dreamed that I would have four children. But up until our fourth child we never felt like we were done. I think it is different for everyone but I don't think you are ever given more children than you are able to love and handle. You will always find a way even if it means that you have to make do in other areas.
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