School - Separate Twins Or Not?

Now, this is often a controversial subject.

People have all sorts of opinions on this subject. I can't tell you the number of people, over the years, that wanted to stop me and talk about this - offer their opinion ... wanted to hear my point of view.

I have twins.

They are now 16 years old.

What do you think I did about school?

Did I insist that my twins be kept together or did I insist that they be separated?

Or ... did I just agree with what the school suggested I do?

Oh ... if you know me at all --- you'd know that I don't hardly ever agree with what anyone tells me to do - quietly.

And ... if you know me at all --- you'd know that I don't hardly ever go along with the "norm" just because something has "always" been done a certain way - for whatever reason.

NOPE!

I - from the get go - requested/demanded that my twin daughters be ...

Put in the same classes.

All the way through 5th grade - all of elementary school.

It was not the "norm".

It was not without some minor resistance from the school.

I spent a lot of hours worrying over this choice. I did a lot of research, a lot of reading and a lot of praying. Looking back on it now, I made the right choice - for my twins. Looking back on it now ... there was never any other choice.

I kept my twins together from Kindergarten through 5th grade - intentionally.
I was lucky that I was dealing with a school and an administration that was open to the parents making such a decision. I was very aware at the time that it was not common practice to put twins together or was it met with cooperation on the schools part to necessarily do it because the parents wanted it. And I had several meetings and many letters sent to the school, explaining our situation and expressing our opinion on the matter. We were lucky that the school (the Principal) was sensitive and concerned enough to allow us to do what we felt was best for our children.

It ended up not being all that hard to convince the Principal of the school and school Counselor that they were MY children and if there was a decision to be made - it was GOING TO BE MADE BY ME. And ... if there was was a mistake to be made - it would be mine!

My twins are identical twins. Not all identical twins should be necessarily left together in classes. Not all fraternal twins either. But ... some twins should/could be without adverse affect to either twin.

I concluded that --- MY GIRLS --- MY TWINS --- would do better if kept together.

I didn't know if I was right or if there would be problems - but, I was pretty sure it was the right decision for my kids.

And ... IT WAS!

One of the best decisions ... I ever made.

I was lucky that my girls attended a school where my opinion and decision was respected and accommodated. I was lucky the teachers and administration were willing to work with us and allowed this request without issue. We were lucky.

Not all parents are that lucky, as many schools fight to separate twins - feeling that it is the thing to do - promotes individualism, etc.

I do not believe that ALL twins should be kept together and I do not believe the ALL twins should be separated. It all depends on the twins. Their relationship with each other. How they handle fitting into the world around them. How secure they are, etc. There are many issues to consider, but ... there is not ONE answer for ALL sets of twins and I think it is very important that if parents feel strongly, one way or the other, that they should stand their ground - make their view point understood and do everything they have to do to make it happen.

I think sometimes that parents of twins are too easily convinced to separate their twins because they just don't know what to do. They go by what the school tells them to do or what has been the "norm".

I was lucky, in that I had a strong intuition about my girls. I strongly felt that it would hurt them to separate them and it would not hurt them or anyone to keep them together and so ... that is the position I held to.

I was lucky that I was right.

For my daughters' sakes and because I believe there were people just waiting for the "experiment" to blow up in our faces.

It became pretty evident that there were teachers and other parents (of twins and not of twins) very aware of our choice, as I would be approached many times by people, questioning our decision. I got to where I refused to discuss the issue, and only answered with, "It's the right decision for OUR girls," and left it at that. But, people were curious and confused and did not agree.

I didn't care.

Like I said - I KNEW what I believed was right and that was all that mattered. We went against the grain and it could not have worked out better for Courtney and Chloe.

Because my girls are identical twins, I was very concerned that their "twinship" always be protected. The bond. The connection. I was aware - by the time school started - that they were already very independent of each other and sure of their own identities - as best I could be, at that age. So ... my intuition told me that there was then, therefore, no reason to separate them and especially if I believed (as I did) that preserving their "togetherness" - their "twinship" - was hugely important!

Separating twins for the sake of SEPARATING them - makes me crazy! I totally believe that they are unique and special and it is not my duty to take that away from them - as SEPARATING them (whenever) for the sake of SEPARATING them, does! I feel it my duty - as their mother - to PRESERVE that twinship. Protect it. Nurture it.

I have seen twins, where one is more dominant than the other. My girls were never that way. If they had been - I'd have had that to consider, but ... I would have considered it long and hard before separating them.

My girls entered middle school (6th grade) and went their separate ways - it was easy - it was time - it was okay!

If I look back at the decisions I have made with my children, I'd have to say that this one decision was one of the best decisions I ever made. I believe it not only reinforced the bond my twins have to each other as twins, but as sisters, as friends and it proved to do exactly what I hoped it would do. Because of their personalities - their nature - having the other one near by and in the same class, made them compete in a positive way and help each other in a positive way. They have never pulled the other one along, but ... they have often gotten behind each other and pushed.

I'm okay with that. I couldn't have wished for more. What a gift!

I love the idea that they have each other - ALWAYS! And, I am proud that I have done my best to preserve that - especially in their younger years.

They are twins.

They were born together - by God's will.

They are meant to be together until they choose to be apart.

So far ...

My twins are very close - best friends.

They love each other. They respect each other. They support and help each other.

What could be better than that?


This is my opinion - what do you think? Are you in agreement with me or are you On The Flipside on the issue of separating twins in school?


Give me your most honest opinion - whether you agree with me or have a FLIPSIDE view. But, please make sure you follow the comment rules and be nice to me and other commenter's. And please go over to my sidebar and participate in the poll on this topic.

Poll Question: Should Twins Be In The Same Class At School? 19 People Took Poll. 4 (21%) Said YES. 1 (5%) Said NO. 14 (73%) Said It Depends On The Twins.