Thursday, August 21, 2008

The Talk

On The Flipside Guest Blogger: Brenda from What's Up Down South

Brenda originally wrote this post in June of 2006 and has pulled it out of her archives for all of us to enjoy and discuss - thanks Brenda.

The Talk

After paying my dollar at the gate at the ballpark on Monday, and watching the last bit of the game before Zach's, we found out that the team they were to play didn't have all their players so it was to be a forfeit. The coaches decided not to waste the empty ball field so they kept them there to practice. The mommies and couple of grandmas sitting around holding the bleachers down passed the time away by discussing the problems of the world.

And a few more things.

I'm not sure what route we took to get from the dangers of ATVs to "THE TALK" but we stumbled upon it somehow and it really got lively there for awhile.

One young mother told us of the wisdom of her 5 yr old daughter concerning the male anatomy. "Dogs poop out of their tails but boys pee out of theirs, except for Poppa, he doesn't have a tail." She went on to tell us that when she told her father of this revelation, he said, "Well I have to sit to pee when she's in the house because she stays on my heels and I can't get away from her!"

A couple of the young moms said that their boys didn't know anything about sex yet and they hadn't had "THE TALK" with them because they hadn't asked any questions yet. Myself and the other grandmother in the group informed them that it wasn't wise to wait until they asked because they were in school with other little boys who were certain they knew all there was to know about sex, and were glad to share the knowledge, so they probably already knew all they thought they'd need to know about it. This passed on knowledge is not commonly found printed in the health books of any generation.

I felt obliged to also inform them if they had plans for their husbands to have "THE TALK" with their boys, they should first have "THE TALK" with their husbands because a man's idea of "THE TALK" could also not be common knowledge found in the printed health books of most generations because they'd very likely learned all their facts from the same sort of little know-it-all youngun when they were growing up.

Before we knew it, practice was over and it was time to pack up and go home.

So ... what do you think? Do you agree with Brenda and feel that children should be told about sex before they hear random and even possibly bizarre explanations from friends at school or are you On The Flipside and feel that when they ask - is soon enough?

Give you honest opinion, but be sure to follow the comment rules and be nice to Brenda, me and to other commenters. And, please go over to the sidebar and participate in the poll on this subject.
Poll results: Should You Have "The Talk" With Your Child Before They Start Seeing/Hearing Things From Other Kids Or On TV? 13 (100%) took poll and 13 said YES.


Sally said...

Definitely, I agree with Brenda
100%. I remember this post, and my feelings on her advice haven't changed one iota. Great post, and great topic, ladies!!

Dawn said...

I haven't really had the "talk" but my kids do own a few books that have invited a few questions that I answer as they come up.

Ashlee said...

I honestly don't know, but I'm interested to see what others say here. My son is getting to "that" age and though he has asked a few questions, it hasn't gotten too deep. I'm unsure whether or not to fill him in or wait until he continues with more questions. What is the "appropriate age"?

dani said...

my daughter started showing signs of puberty very early. then i read where little girls were starting their periods earlier and earlier these days.
i decided to have the "talk" with her when she was 8 (almost 9)... as i didn't want her to start her period and not know what was happening.
when i started explaining i just went ahead with the rest of the story. it was rather painless for both of us, and we have had many more conversations about it since then.
i think bringing up the subject early has been a really good thing.

MamáChanga said...

You know having been a middle school teacher for many years, I really think it's a good idea to have "the talk" at a very young age with kids. As up to date with the info as I was, I was still shocked to find out about pregnant 5th and 6th graders. In today's day and age, I feel it's much better to just open those doors of communcation WAAAAY early.

Hugs & Blessings!

Adrian said...

I don't know, this is a tough one. My son is 10 and we've never officially had "the talk", but I've answered a few questions here and there and I'm sure he hears some at school.

Nowadays, they learn a lot of it on TV. You can't hardly change a channel without seeing someone hopping into bed, or some woman straining to give birth (Mommy, why is that lady screaming?), or some ghastly feminine hygiene commercial. Some days I'd like to ban the durn TV altogether.

I think they have the maturation talk this year at school, maybe I'll just leave this one to the professionals.

Tabitha said...

I agree with Brenda too ~ my son is 10 and started with his sex education at school in his last term ~ we have also talked and I have answered any questions he has asked!! I would rather tell him, than for him to hear wild stories and not know what is true and what is not!!

Donna said...

I also agree with Miz Brenda! Great post!!hughugs

Kel said...

That's a tough one...I agree that it could be a bad decision to wait until they ask, but at the same time I am not ready to have the conversation. My fear is not so much the talk as it is exposing her to more than she is aware of so I kind of have a mixed approach on the subject. We talk and she can ask questions, some topics are still not brought up (like how babies are made) but anatomy for the most part is out there. Anytime I hear something pertaining to it I make it a point to mention it to her and ask what she knows about it when we are alone and give her the opportunity to ask whatever she likes.

I don't really have a right answer though...

laurwilk said...

I agree with Brenda! I can remember being in 2nd grade and walking home with my friends and forcing my little sister to plug her ears the whole walk home because of all the dirty things my friends were saying. And we were just little 2nd grade girls!

I think it's important to answer questions as they come up. Answer in a way that encourages somewhat of a discussion so that they keep asking questions. Once they are through with the questions they can ask at this point in maturity, you can stop the conversation. Until the next time.

tammy said...

I don't know. I'm still waiting for my mom to give me the talk.

Janet said...

In a lot of cases I think it depends on the kids, but in this day of too much information from TV or wherever, earlier is probably better. I'm pretty sure we're going to have to have the talk with our daughter when she's around 6, simply because of her fascination with her baby brother's penis. We've already had to explain things I'd never thought I'd have to tell a 4-year-old.

Helen E.M. Wright said...


I had a child psych professor who used to say you need to have the talk by age 7. With this talk add in the use of condoms! Studies show that these are the people who are condom users!

I remember getting the talk from my father with my mother present at about age 8. Yes, it was embarrassing but I'm glad they both did it.

My family was always open, and I knew that I could go to my parents with anything at any age.

I want that for my children as well! I want to be the one to tell them what really happens instead of them getting misinformed by other people.

It actually drives me crazy that parents can put their heads in the sand for this topic.

bichonpawz said...

I totally agree with Brenda! Drives me nuts when parents think they can just ignore this topic!!

Andrea said...

I haven't had the talk with my kids yet (thankfully -- since they are both under 5 still!!), but I know the time is coming before I know it. And I'd rather them hear it from us first.

Rosemary Bogdan said...

I think that when they ask is soon enough, unless they are 10 or 11. Then they probably are learning at least something from peers.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

It shouldn't be a talk, it should be an ongoing conversation. And it should start before they go to elementary school. If you're not really, really comfortable about talking about sex with your kids when they're young, you won't be able to talk to them about sex when the stakes are high.

Dropping our son off at college 18 hours away from home this week, my husband and I were both able to talk to him about using condoms, both in serious and funny conversations.

The Boyds Family said...

I never got "The Talk"....My mom's idea of "The Talk" was telling me to tell the boys, "if you want to roll around in the hay, you should go find a barn" LOL! (Seriously!)

I know that children are growing up WAY faster these days and we should start talking to them early, but not every child is open to this concept. Kayla is an example of this...I tried to start talking to her about little things but she was so embarrassed and uncomfortable that she would just clam up.

Like others, I didn't want my child to hear things from others and take them as the truth, but I couldn't get her to open up either, so I bought her some books. Some I let her read on her own and told her that I was available for any questions that she might have. Others we read together. (I also bought myself a book and I'll admit that even I learned a few things....remember, I never had the talk either. ;))

That seemed to help us open up the lines of communication with this subject and gave her the opening that she needed to feel comfortable coming to me with questions that she already had but was afraid to ask.

I am so grateful that I didn't just give up and that I took that extra step. She still has those books and I know she's reading them because they are well worn :)