Wednesday, August 27, 2008

What Would You Do If ..."

On Wednesdays, I throw out a question that asks, "What Would You Do If ...?" and I would love to hear - what you would do.

I will not give my answer to the What Would You Do If - Wednesday question until late in the day - after everyone has had the opportunity to offer their ideas first.


What would you do if ...

Your mother-in-law came into your home and constantly made comments on the poor job you were doing of raising your kids or ... constantly tried to give advise on how to do things better?

Would you confront her - ask her to butt out?

Would you just ignore the situation and go on doing things as you wish.

Would you ask your husband to confront his mother about being out of line?

What would you do?

I'm anxious to hear your answer - to see if you would do what I would do or are ... On The Flipside.

Also, please go over to the sidebar and participate in the poll on this subject.

Now, what I would do:

My MIL and I don't see each other often - thank goodness. She has - on more than one occasion - voiced opinions that I found to be offensive or hurtful and I have never hesitated to tell her, in return, what I thought about her opinion or suggestion. I have also often depended on my husband to intervene on my behalf when I have had the lack of energy or desire to deal with her. I am lucky to have a fabulous FIL, but my MIL needs to keep her distance and keep her mouth shut. She knows well enough by now.

Poll results: If Your MIL Constantly Interfered What Would You Do? 21 people participated in the poll. 6 (28%) said they would confront her. 2 (9%) said they would ignore the situation. 13 (61%) said they would ask their husband to get his mother to back off.


Rosemary Bogdan said...

I would ask my husband to say something to her. i probably would not be able to keep my mouth shut either. I would probably try to politely tell her that I just do things differently and then ignore her comments and try to not take them personally.

Brittany said...

After I got done crying and being completely humiliated, I think I would have a talk with her. I wouldn't tell her to "butt-out" but I think I would ask her to either approach me in a different way, or keep her ideas to herself.

Adrian said...

You could do what I did - MOVE! That is one of the reasons we moved 3 states away because my in-laws were so nasty to me.

I felt a little sorry for them in their final years when they were old and sick and didn't have their son around to help them, but I was glad that my children were not exposed to their blatant racism and general nastiness. We were also glad to be close to my parents who were always kind and sweet to everyone.

Anonymous said...

I sadly, am the type to stay quiet and simmer. Then I blast my husband, who will confront her. She always acts so innocent, but I think she really enjoys it. What is sad is now my 3 teens see it, and it is hurtful to them. I don't think she will ever change, as she gets older, it gets worse. She will never be a cuddly, lovey grandmother.


My first step would be to talk to my husband about it and tell him to deal with her. If he didn't do that, I would not be happy with him, and I'd take matters into my own hands, and he'd end up wishing he'd dealt with it himself.
I would SO not tolerate that crap!

moma grits said...

wow after reading the comments it makes me more thankful that I have great inlaws LOL! If it were to happen I am sure I would say something. I am a pretty outspoken person.

Brenda said...

Ha! Being the MIL of Moma Grits, I agree, she surely would!

I'd politely tell the lady to butt out. I tolerate my MIL, that's all, tolerate.

Ellyn said...

I have actually had to deal with this a little with my MIL. She would read my blog and then email me with her thoughts about it. She thought my son should have been moved to a big boy bed long before he was. She told me so. I just igmore it. The delete button is easy to hit.

Sally said...

My EX (read my lips, EX) MIL had the audacity to move across the street from us.

For a long time, I totally ignored her comments, took it in stride, etc. because it was common knowledge that not only was she a drinker, even when she wasn't, she had that "I'm smarter than eveyone else" attitude. I took it until the day she called me at work about my daughter who was NOT her granddaughter. Patti was about 15 at the time.

The call went like this:

"You have GOT to do something about your daughter. She is outside riding her bike when she SHOULD be doing her homework." I totally lost it, and won't put you through what I said to her. Suffice it to say, the old bat moved. Happiest day of my life!! ahhahahaha

dani said...

i don't know what i would do, kel... john's mother died when he was a senior in high school years ago from a brain aneurysm. so, i've never been in that situation.
i would probably passive-aggressively let her know that she is angering me; and, if that didn't work, i'd have john handle the situation.

Courtney said...

I would like to say I would ignore her, but really if it was that persistant I'd probably ask hubby to step in. This is a tough one. My mother in law always compliments me on how I raise my children, work, keep the house and take care of her son (whether she means it or not I'm not sure)so it is not something I have to deal with, thank goodness.

laurwilk said...

Once again, I'm not married. But I have seen a very poor relationship between my mother and my grandmother. My grandma is not the nicest woman and is extremely passive aggressive. She makes it obvious that she has favorite grandchildren (I'm not one!) and is not someone I feel all that close to. For the most part, we all try to ignore it and are able to as she lives hours away.

Joanna said...

I've done all the above. After having enough I had to tell her to butt out but it was only when it was backed by Hubby that she finally got it. Now we get along great!

Dawn said...

I'm not confrontational but this would a horrible thing to deal with! I would complain to my husband and ask him to deal with her...and I would avoid her.

Kami said...

I am so very lucky in that my mother in law is a lovely, non-judgmental lady.

If I had to deal with this I would explode. I would probably get my husband to deal with it first and if that didn't work I would yell at her in the heat of a moment and create a huge family rift.

I am so lucky I have the mother in law I do!

Helen E.M. Wright said...

My husband would definately know what was going on. But I would have no problem talking to her about it with or without him around.
I have a weird relationship with my MIL. I've found that when I tell her how I feel, we all get a long great!
It's when they get on my nerves and I do or say nothing that's the problem.

Tia said...

As a newlywed, I'm dealing with this right now. I have an aggressive, intense MIL. Right now she lives 3,000 miles away, but in a few months she'll live in the same town.

For now, my husband has agreed to speak up when he hears her say something rude to me. I'm slowly learning to speak up to her myself as well - the being nice route doesn't work!

One Scrappy Chicklet said...

Now this is a very interesting question.
My MIL now is an absolute doll. I have known her most of my life and we have never had a problem with each other so I think I would just to ask her if there was something else bothering her to make her act so out of character.
Now my ex MIL (Thank God, I never have to deal with her again) is a whole other ball of wax. I never did anything to please her. The very first time we met was a week after my first son was born. She flew in late at night and the baby was already asleep. The first thing she said to me was I can not believe you didn't try to keep the baby up so I could see him. I was absolutely floored. In the next few hours I quickly came to realize why her son (my husband) had not seen her in 10 years. By the end of the visit I had had enough and finally just told her look, my parenting skills are new. I do the very best that I can and considering that each of your 4 children have done everything in the power to cut you out of their lives I really do not feel that you are a person I need to be taking lessons from. That set the tone of our relationship for the next 14 years. LOL
Now when his new wife complains about her I just laugh and say better you than me.

Kelly said...

I would hope that my husband would defend me and that would nip the problem in the bud. I know I would get defensive. I'm always very nice and polite even when I'm seething inside so I would do my best to talk it out with her without losing my temper.

The Boyds Family said...

well, this is an easy one. I have never had a problem speaking my mind and I would not have a problem telling her just where she could go if she didn't like the way I did things.....In fact, I HAVE said that very thing to someone else once or twice. :)

forgetfulone said...

My mother-in-law wouldn't do this - but I'm lucky that way. My ex M-I-L wasn't horrible, but she would tell me things sometimes and I just wanted her to mind her own business unless it was really something helpful. I'm not shy, though, so I might say something.

Hyphen Mama said...

I have all but bitten my tongue off, keeping from telling my MIL off. My husband fully appreciates that I've taken the brunt of some of her snide remarks and have NOT gone to blows with her. I try to force him to run interference, but with her, there is no reasoning with. I try to keep my distance and when I need to be around her, I have to meditate and clear my soul afterwards... to get rid of the dark negativity.

Ann(ie) said...

My MIL says nothing. I don't think she ever would. She's very respectful that way. NOW my EX-MIL was just like the mom on Everybody loves Raymond. I kid you not!!!!! ug.